This is the first of a new series of editorials I will be posting both on the Comic Timing site, and on the forums. Hope you folks enjoy!

Ultimate Letdown

Ultimates 3 Issue #1. A brand new era for the fresh, hip, new Avengers. No, not the New Avengers. I mean, they’re new, but just not the NEW Avengers. They’re just new, mighty Avengers. Wait, huh? Okay, no, not Mighty Avengers, that’s something else entirely.

Can we start over?

Up until now, comic fans were graced with the writing talent of Mark Millar, combined with the lush visuals of Bryan Hitch. Detailed characters along with detailed plot makes great storytelling. Yeah, only problem with that one: it took forever to come out. The 2 volumes of Ultimates (24 issues on total) took FIVE YEARS to complete! Sure, there were a few months between volumes, but even in comic book time that’s a long wait. Instead of making us wait for a third volume of Millar and Hitch to be completed, the team decided to go elsewhere. That elsewhere happens to be Marvel’s First Family, the Fantastic Four. Good luck keeping that on time, but that is another story for another time.

So what does Marvel follow up with a slow yet ultimately (no pun intended) successful era of Ultimates? Surely they would give us another All-Star team, right? Something like Neal Adams and Brian Wood? How about Brian K Vaughn and Phil Jimenez? Nope. None of the above. Instead, they give us Jeph Loeb, who has put out plenty of great comics books over the years, but has also managed to write the worst Wolverine issue EVER just a few months ago. Wolves. Seriously? To go with Jeph, Marvel chose revolutionary artist Joe Madureira, whose Japanese inspired art on Uncanny X-Men ushered in a new wave of artists. Then he got the import of Final Fantasy VIII and stopped drawing Battle Chasers so he could play it.

Yup.

Well, Joe went to the video game world for a while and designed characters for a living, and now is returning to where he got his start, with Christian Lichtner on colors. A bold new beginning. A continuation of a legacy. This should be a team that takes what has come before it and molds it into something bigger and better.

What the hell happened?

Ultimates 3 #1 came in my DCBS shipment today, and those were the words that left my lips. I mentioned the colorist for a reason, because I do believe this guy needs to be taken out back and given a stern talking to. Joe Mad is a bright, colorful artist. And you mash him out in dark tones? It looked like someone dipped my copy in water, dried it, then handed it to me trying to pawn it off as brand new! The writing…not so good. Did Jeph Loeb read the cliff notes of the first two volumes as opposed to the entire collection? He seemed to grab talking points and ran with them: Captain America thinks women of the 00’s are all hussies who need to cover up, Hank Pym’s a pill popper, Thor likes women of all ages, Tony Stark likes to get smashed while sharing his mansion for superheroes, apparently nobody seems to know who Iron Man is even though it is so very obvious (or did I read that part wrong?), Hawkeye is the knight because his family is dead, and Wanda and Pietro share more than just brotherly and sisterly love for one another. Oh, and Black Panther was in Ultimate Avengers, so throw him in too. And Wasp is the most normal member.

Reading this title hurt. Perhaps Jeph Loeb read All Star Batman & Robin right before he wrote this issue? This was God damned bad. Plus, to spoil the ending, so earmuff time for those who have not read it, but you kill off Scarlet Witch right after implying her and her brother shag off screen? Great, now we’ve got another universe with an angsty Pietro on our hands. Now I’m not condoning the twincest angle because hell, up until now it was just a subtle wink and a nod to it from Millar. He was not heading in that direction, that I’ll come close to guaranteeing. But Loeb goes there, and kills one of them off! Why even bother bring it up the in the first place? The death of a sister would have been just as powerful to see unfold, but he went there anyway. Also, Venom? Valkyrie? Black Panther? Yeah, just reminding you Black Panther is there since he had no lines all issue.

I am in pain. I need some Tylenol before the vain in my head bursts. Ultimates does not have to equal edgy to the extreme, Loeb! All it has to do is feel fresh, new, and a little bit militaristic. It failed. Will I continue to pick the book up? I’ll hurt myself for at least two more issues just on the slightest chance they change the colorist so I can actually SEE the art, and that I get the Jeph Loeb back who wrote the first Superman/Batman arc, and lose the one who wrote Wolverine #55 and Ultimates 3 #1. I have not missed an issue of the original three Ultimate books since they launched. Ultimate Spider-Man, Ultimate X-Men, Ultimates, complete runs for all. If things do not shape up damn fast, delete the last one from the list.

I still hurt inside. Ow.